I think I am morally bankrupt
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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