Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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