You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
babies were throwing up all over the place
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
