Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
