are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
NoShamevember. You game?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
