I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
soo... how was my night?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
