Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize