So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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