oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
