i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
