Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
