is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
