Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
