im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
