i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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