I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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