Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
