Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
try to milk me bitch
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