Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
