i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
