Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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