What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you win again, gameday.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
