google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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