I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
