I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
