I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
