It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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