Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
