he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
