tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
