literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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