Don't you send me to vm
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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