I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
