are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
we made out on top of his cat.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
