i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize