So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
