maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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