you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
