what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
