nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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