You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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