I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
