I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
