I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
