Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
