I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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