So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
