Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
