You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
