Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize