i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
