It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize