sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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