why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
