Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
