Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
