I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize