Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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