I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Randomize
