I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize