I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
