dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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