Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
