As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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