i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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