You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
