After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
