marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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