so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
