You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
