dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
