Betty ford says i'm here all night
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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