Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Found your dick twin last night
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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