Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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