he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
