i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
