I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
