I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
