tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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