Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
