I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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