Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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