She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
