I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
