I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
