I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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