Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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