Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
